Amy Dickinson • Special to Postmedia Network A reader grieving the loss of a father wonders why important information about his life was omitted. Photo by File Photo /Getty Images
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Dear Amy: My father recently passed away.

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I am the child of his first wife. He also had a child with his second wife, to whom he was married for 50 years. My half brother “Gerald” and I get along well. Our father’s obituary was written to say that his second wife was his only wife, without mentioning my mother. Dad was prominent in his field and his Wikipedia entry also makes no mention of his marriage to my mother. My name and the names of my children are recognized, but the implication is that I am the child of his second wife. My mom never got over my father’s infidelity and abandonment. She is hurt that she has been written like that. Should I say anything to my brother to change this so that my mother is recognized on his record? Should obituaries and biographies be true about exes?

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I have lived my life walking around the animosity between my parents and I wish this sad saga would end. – Beloved, but sad daughter Dear Love: Many obituaries are actually “death notices,” written by family members and/or funeral homes. Strictly speaking, obituaries are written by journalists and published in newspapers and magazines. Obituaries try to tell the story of a person’s life, and yes – they should be really accurate. If “Gerald” wrote the notice, then he omitted your mother’s name intentionally and incorrectly, as family members sometimes do (some family members of the deceased even write competing death notices, including different information about their loved one ). He may have done it to protect his mother’s feelings or reputation.

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Whoever compiled your father’s Wikipedia page may have used the death notice as a source, leaving your mother’s name wrong. Your brother may also have written or edited the Wikipedia entry, intentionally leaving out your mother’s name. Biographies and Wikipedia entries should be factually correct. This Wikipedia entry should be revised. You could work it out yourself – and – you should let your brother know that you’re concerned that the information about your father’s life is not only wrong, but harmful to you because it erases your mother’s identity and creates a wrong impression about your own identity. Unfortunately, the long-standing dynamic in your family is not likely to end – even with your father’s death. But maybe it’s time to stop hurting your toes.

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Dear Amy: I think it’s time for pet owners to take a good, long look at their beliefs and behavior and give non-pet people a break. My mother and uncle struggled with animal allergies, and the problems ranged from nasty skin lesions and irritated eyes to worrisome respiratory problems. When I saw similar problems starting with me, I promised myself that I would never have pets. As a result, my health is better. Please stop making me hostile because I don’t want to pet your dog or cat or perch your bird on me, whether allergies are a factor or not. Please don’t tell me my allergies aren’t real because you can’t see them. Please leave your pets at home when you stop to see me. Stop telling me that volunteering at the shelter would change my mind.

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Please don’t tell me that letting your dog wander into my yard to poop (and leave the evidence there) is something I shouldn’t complain about “because if you had a pet, you’d understand.” – No vet bills Dear Non-Vet: I understand why people see their pets as “members of the family,” but some people use that as an excuse for every single choice they make about their pets. Family members need boundaries! (Do you bring your little one where you know they’re not welcome? Do you let Aunt Harriet poop on your neighbor’s lawn?) Allergies aren’t the only reason some people don’t want to be around animals, and yes – pet sitters should respect other people’s choices. Dear Amy: Like “Constantly Tuned In,” I need a TV to fall asleep that distracts me so I can sleep. As an adult I realized that this TV addiction was the result of hearing my mother in the living room watching TV after I went to bed during my childhood. It was comforting. Now I keep the TV in another room (once in a closet!) or in a TV cabinet with doors. Then I have the sound without the flickering light. I sleep nice and quiet. – Comforted Dear Comforted: I appreciate your habit precedent – ​​and applaud your solution!

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